I have two reasons for this. First, I don’t think (although I could be wrong) that anyone celebrates their father. Rather, it is more about their dad. I know, I know… the old cliché “Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy” is ringing through your head. But think about, there’s quite a bit of truth to the statement. The day should be renamed Daddy’s Day.

Anyway, the second (and may I say much more profound) reason for this is completely different. As I was enjoying the day, I came to realize that I was celebrating. Celebrating myself? Nonsense… anyone who knows me knows that there’s nothing to celebrate there. Rather, I found that I was celebrating being a dad… to three children. All I wanted all day long was to enjoy my children enjoying all that God (the true Daddy to us all) has given them.

So, I have a charge to all children. On Father’s Daddy’s Day, simply enjoy life and let your dad enjoy you doing that!

Now wait a second… I couldn’t possibly end the post like that. I have to be theologically profound in some way (if not at least in my own mind). So, reflecting upon the metaphor of God as Father and my revelation, perhaps there is yet another conclusion. Wouldn’t it be such an awesome thought if everyday was Daddy’s Day to God. What if He celebrates (God celebrating… now there’s a thought) being our daddy and celebrates us enjoying life every day? Think about it.

So, I’ve been asked several times lately “Does he feel like yours yet?” It seems like such a straightforward question. However, I like to over-analyze questions (and think through them) before I give an answer. But, when I’m asked, I’m stuck…. answer and try not to sound stupid. So, my typical answer is an excessively committal “I guess.” Thereby, I answer nothing.

Why is this question so difficult? First, most people who ask know that I have at least one biological child. So, perhaps their real question is “Do you have the same feelings towards him as you do your other children?” The answer is simple and easy: My feelings towards Ty are nothing like my feelings towards Mia or PJ. The problem with the question though is that there is an assumption that my feelings towards PJ and Mia are the same. Of course, this is a horribly false assumption. I do not have the same “feelings” towards any of my children. So the answer to this question would be a resounding “No.” However, when I consider the original question, I am not sure that the answer “no” is correct.

So, I reflect back and perhaps the question is really “Does it feel normal to have him around yet?” I then contemplate “normal.” What is normal? I don’t think there is anything “normal” about our family and our life together. He’s part of our routine now. But it doesn’t feel normal because he doesn’t do things like the other kids. But then again, would any child? Would a newborn infant that had half of my genetic make up feel normal? Not a chance. But the question implies that a newborn infant that was half of my genes would be “normal.” So, in that case, I do not see a difference in the normality of the two and the answer would be a resounding “yes.” However, once again, considering the original question, I’m not sure the answer “Yes” is a perfect fit.  Are you still with me?

So, alas, I am stuck reflecting upon the original question “Does he feel like yours?” So, before reflecting upon the concept of a person being “mine,” I have to move tangentially and consider what it feels like for anything to be “mine.”  I am also forced to make a distinction between that which is mine and feels like mine and that which is mine and does not feel like mine. <Yikes> My favorite analogy concerning ownership is to describe the feeling when a twelve year old boy works all summer to earn money to buy a bike. That bike feels more like his than if someone gifted it to him or if he found it mystically discarded by someone into his possession. Now, it didn’t exactly take a lot of effort to get the first two kids, but boy did it ever take a lot of effort to get Ty. So, I am faced with a problem: Does Ty feel more like “mine” than PJ and Mia? Surely not. But what am I left with?

I’m left with a conundrum. In order to give a response, I must consider the concept a person being “mine.” If something is mine, it can only ever become “not mine” if either I bequeath it to somebody else, disown it, or it is taken from me. Now, if I were to die, I have not bequeathed, nor disowned, nor had my children taken from me. Why? Because my children aren’t truly “mine.” No matter how God has worked to add children to my family, I am simply a (can’t think of a great word) steward/caretaker/teacher/<insert other here>. So the direct answer to the actual question is “I have no idea” because I don’t know what it feels like to have a child be “mine.”

So, I am left with an “I guess.”

In a future post I will get into some statistics when I have a chance to cite my sources. In the meantime, I want to break out the types of adoption that are available. Before I began this journey, I was unaware of the significant distinctions. The first distinction is between foreign and domestic adoptions. The second distinction is between domestic private and domestic public. So, who ends up in each category? Foreign should be obvious. However, it is not so obvious who falls into each of the two domestic categories.

Let’s start with the domestic public system. How does a child end up in the system? A child ends up here because the child has no relatives that can take the child and the parents either have been deemed unable to provide a safe home for the child or are no longer around. If a woman is pregnant and has decided not to parent, she will be directed to the private system.

Those children that end up in the private system are, generally speaking, healthy infants that come from a variety of mothers that have decided, for whatever reason, not to parent their child.

So, why are there so many waiting parents? The vast majority want healthy Caucasian infants.  This process can be very expensive for waiting couples. There is no problem getting healthy newborn Caucasian infants adopted.

What I realized after writing my last post regarding the Adoption tax credit is that I did not draw a distinction among these types of adoption. In my next post, Part II, I will expound upon the domestic public and foreign adoption problems. In Part III, I will lay out numerous statistics that blew my mind regarding the extent of the problem.

For the sake of this post, I am going to limit my “complaining” to a couple aspects of the governmental process. To be even more specific, as that topic could take up an entire book, I am going to limit it to the financial perspective.

Problem:

The government tries to be nice by offering a $12,000 tax credit to help offset the cost of adopting a child. A tax credit for $12,000 is wonderful, but it’s not the right solution.

First, it’s not quite enough. Simply by having a tax credit of this size indicates that the government believes that adoption helps the common good. Yet, the least expensive foreign adoption (I will address foreign vs. domestic in a later post) is around $20,000. This leaves a minimum of $8,000 to come from somewhere. Where does this come from? It often comes from credit cards, home equity loans, friends and family. For some people, it’s not an issue as they are rolling in dough, but then they don’t need the tax credit to begin with. The amount should be larger.

Second, it should not be a tax credit. I’ve already stated that the people with money are not the issue; it’s the people who need the money in order to adopt. Let’s just use the phrase “lower income.” First, they need to front the $12,000 that they don’t have and wait for the adoption to be finalized. So, let us pretend for a second that a “lower income” family wants to adopt a child and give him a loving home. They begin the adoption process in 2007 and it takes two years before they get the child. The child arrives in July 2009. They then wait for 6 months to finalize the adoption in January of 2010. They then have to wait until February 2011 at the earliest to claim the tax credit. That’s a four year waiting process in which a low income family must float $20,000. To make it worse a low income family may not owe that much in taxes. Let’s pretend that the family only owes $2,000 per year. They have five years in which they can roll over the tax credit. This family will never receive the full benefits and it will take them longer. Lower income families have fewer resources to begin with and get less back in a longer time because it is a tax credit.

I’m not going to even mention the funny money involved as you have to pay thousands to the government to process the immigration paperwork. (Oops…. did I just mention that)

To summarize the problem: The amount is not enough and the people who need it don’t get it all and what they do get they don’t get when they need it.

Solution:

There’s a solution to these problems. There are several possible solutions in fact. I will give one simple one: $20,000 Grants. If a couple uses a licensed agency for the adoption, let the money be available to the agency and let them administer the funds. Of course you need some rules behind it all. For instance, it will only cover incurred expenses. In addition, couples are not allowed to be seeking fertility treatments while in the adoption process. Perhaps a few others to ensure that the money actually gets kids adopted.

Please feel free to comment. I would love to hear other peoples opinions and ideas!