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When individuals spend copious amounts of time feeling insecure, they start learning to protect themselves at all cost. Their brain is constantly in hyper-alert mode which causes it to stop developing. Many people get stuck in the stage of development that is eg0-centric–literally incapable of thinking about how things may impact someone else. As Dr. Bruce Perry talked about, this egocentricity does not just go away because a person gets older. If you’re parenting kids from hard places, you probably have experienced interactions with your kids that blow your mind with the degree of self-centeredness that can be demonstrated. If you’re thinking about adopting or are in process, here are some things you can expect as your new “normal.”
Example #1:
This happened at about 1.5 years home fully immersed in English. One child walks out of student ministries in tears because no one understands her English. Because this child had been a little resistant to learning English, I say, “Well, maybe that will motivate you to try harder to work on your pronunciation.”
I’m not kidding, she responded with all the teenage attitude you can imagine, “Why I do that? This second language for me. It their job to understand me. They work hard more.”
Example #2:
While talking about trusting God’s timing, one child insisted, “Wanting God to use my plan isn’t selfish because I don’t want it to be.” Yea, ponder that for a moment.
Example #3:
We have a family rule that the room where Mom and/or Dad are spending time re-regulating a child is off limits. You really don’t even knock unless you’re dying. Recently once child attempted to enter a bedroom where there was not only attempted re-regulating happening but out and out raging. When reminded of the rule, said child replied, “I can go my bedroom because it my bedroom, and I want to.”
In case you’re tempted to comment, “That’s just normal, teenage behavior, ” don’t. That just means you were not the intended audience for this post 🙂