Our kids don’t go to Sunday School…they go to church with us. I know this is a controversial topic, so this post is not to judge what you do but just to share why we do what we do.
Many years ago when my dad was a full-time youth worker at our church, Patrick and I observed how 9 and 10 year-olds were incapable of sitting through a 45 minute church service during weeks when Sunday School wasn’t offered. I’m not just talking were unhappy about sitting through church but were actually unable to sit quietly for that period of time let alone appreciating what was going on. I remember deciding together that’s not what we wanted for our kids. We discussed at what age we would start bringing our kids to the service so we could worship as a family. There didn’t seem to be a logical age so we decided we’d start from the beginning lest a slippery slope ensue. That was 9 1/2 years ago. Unless one of us is away, we worship together every week with the entire family…no matter what age.
At least in our church family, this is a rare decision. Because we sit in the second row every week, we don’t go unnoticed. These are some frequent questions and comments…
We have a phenomenal children’s program. I wouldn’t worry about leaving your kids.
O, contraire. Having our kids with us at church has nothing to do with our over protectiveness. Quite the opposite, we have no problem leaving our kids so we can recharge or to decrease distractions during certain times. We are choosing to worship as a family unit.
Why are you against Sunday School?
We are not against Sunday School necessarily but do not want it take divide our family for worship on Sundays. When there is an adult education opportunity Patrick and I want to take advantage of or we are volunteering in student ministries, we worship together during one service, and then all go to our respective classes during a different hour.
Aren’t you worried that your kids will miss out on what they are teaching at Sunday School?
Not really. We believe it is our job to be our children’s primary spiritual educators. We mentor and teach them at home through life circumstances and other teachable moments. We have no problem with them going but do not rely on Sunday School for their spiritual upbringing.
Don’t your kids distract you during the service?
Sometimes, but they are kids, and they do that sometimes. We view Sunday mornings as our time to bring our worship offering to the Lord together. Education is not our primary reason for coming. Sunday mornings are not about what we get but what we bring. If we hear the entire sermon, great. If not, we can catch the .mp3 later in the week. Patrick and I also have other venues where we challenge our spiritual intellect. And, truth be told, they really do a great job of sitting.
That’s great for your kids but my kid could never do that.
We used to nod in understanding to this statement. Then we had Ty. If we can get Ty to sit through church every Sunday, your kid most likely can, too. Remember that training is a process. It won’t be pretty right away, but be consistent and see what happens. We double-checked with our pastor that our kids’ occasional noisyness wouldn’t bother him since when we started at our church, our kids were the only ones in service. He was fine with it and we decided not to care what others thought. Of course, if a big commotion starts, we take our kids out but that has only happened a time or two.
Why do you sit in the second row? What if someone has to be taken our or has to use the restroom?
When our first two kids were born, we were going to a small church with a very informal service where we knew everyone. When we changed churches to a larger, more formal atmosphere, we let the kids choose where we would sit since we were asking them to come with us. They chose the front because they could see what was going on better. We compromised for the second row but having a row in front keeps them in their seats better and is more comfortable for Patrick and me. And yes, if we have to walk someone out for behavior or the restroom, we parade all the way down the aisle and back up. It happens. In our minds, it’s a small price to pay.
Wouldn’t it be better if they just went to Sunday School where they’ll learn something? They can’t possibly appreciate the sermon.
Remember, we view it as what we’re bringing not what we’re getting. Besides, we’re always surprised how much they kids do pick up in the sermon.
What tips do you have if we want to start transitioning our kids to the service?
Start slow. Perhaps bring them just for the music portion for a couple weeks. Talk it through and explain why you’re changing. Make sure your children have empty bladders but full tummies when the service starts. Anticipate needs. When Ty’s sensory needs make him extra squirmy, we let him have a fidget or chew toy. Be realistic. When our kids were toddlers, our rule was they had to be quiet but reasonable movement was okay. They could stand in front of their chair or frequently change leg positions as long as they were silent. Involve them and explain what’s going on. We encourage our children to take a monetary offering every week and to fully engage in musical worship (sometimes this means dancing and air instruments). We also talk about the service on our way home and explain anything they may not have understood.
What do your kids do on Sunday mornings?
Our church just does one service w two parts– the first is singing worship for all, kids included. This lasts anywhere from a half hour to 45 minutes. The kids are then dismissed for children’s ministry while the adults listen to the sermon. There have been a number of times that our kids have stayed w us for the sermon portion, and I have found they do rather well and get quite a lot out of the message. It’s very encouraging to me as my kids are not the sit still and listen kind of kids. So it’s been a blessing to see they indeed have the capacity.
Our oldest is 4 1/2 and we have struggled with him at church since birth, first trying to get him to stay in the nursery, then trying to get him to stay in children’s church. He doesn’t like to stay with strangers and it was such a constant fight with him to get him to stay without me. I guess I kind of went into parenthood assuming that it HAD to be best for him to be with kids his own age. But lately I’ve realized that there is MUCH to gain by worshipping as a family. So now we’re keeping him in the service with us, and our services are LONG, but he is doing better each week. We are so proud of him. We’re letting the new baby go to the nursery, but I think as she gets older we’ll keep her with us too. We bring a bag of quiet activities for our son, but he does participate in the music and prayers.
Thank you for posting this. It makes me feel even more confident that we are making the right decision. 🙂