Posted By Melissa on February 9, 2010

As I perused the January issue of Parents Magazine*, I came across an interesting article that explored the differences in American versus French parenting styles.  The author describes her emergence from an over-protective, gear-laden America to a laid back, parent-centered France.  While I’m not sure I would send my preschooler on an overnight, teacher-chaperoned, trip across the Channel, I certainly subscribe to the philosophy that “kids are not king.”  I think American parents, in general, tend to martyr themselves for the sake of their kids.  Do you know how many empty-nester couples find themselves in divorce court because once their kids are gone they have nothing in common anymore?  They probably had lots of common interests at some point but let them die with the birth of parenthood.  In France (and probably most of Europe), “most children are expected to adapt to the grown-up world, not the other way around” and “boundaries are upheld not only because they’re considered good for the children, but because they protect the sanctity of a couple’s private life.”  I would argue, they protect the sanctity of the couple…period. 

*If you don’t get Parents, you can probably pick it up at your local library (that is if it’s not buried in 3 feet of snow).  Check page 58 for the article entitled “French Lessons.”

Jealous of the French (at least where parenting is concerned)?  Try these…

1. Create space for yourselves.  In our house that means, the kids are not out of bed until 7AM.  If your child is old enough to recognize a number on a digital clock, you can enforce this rule.  Cover all the numbers on a digital clock except the hour.  If the clock doesn’t say “7,” it’s not morning yet.  I also have a friend who sets her sons alarm so he knows he can’t get out of bed until he hears music.  I was too afraid that the music would wake our kids if they weren’t already awake so we opted out of this.  This rule took some training but now all 3 kids abide by it (even the one that can’t tell time).  Now, I’m guaranteed quiet time before the craziness of the day starts (if I get up in time). Tip: Room darkener shades are a must. 
   It also means they get their own breakfast on Saturday mornings and let us sleep in.
2. Do monthly date nights and yearly getaways.  Or whatever time frame works for you so that you remember you still like your spouse. 
3. Don’t always let whether your kids “like it” or “want to” dictate your decisions. My kids aren’t thrilled about Stroller Strides or Mud Auctions or a lot of other things Patrick and I choose to do just like I’m not always giddy about another day on the playground.  But frankly, they’re going to have to do a lot of things in life they don’t “like” or “want.”  So why not start now?
4. Create space for your kids.  Newsflash.  You can raise a successful, contributing member to society without 500 extracurriculars a week.  Ok, so 500 is exaggerating.  But seriously.  We’ve been snowed in for almost a week…no school, no music class, no dance.  While the walls are closing in since the kids haven’t been out of doors in 48 hours, there’s something refreshing about not being slave to the clock this week.

Can you relate to the French or are you an American through and through?

Categories: parenting
Tags: parentings