FAQs

Posted By Melissa on August 13, 2009

Adoption always seems to invite questions.  Maybe because of media attention.  Maybe because a lot of people want to but have no idea where to start.  Maybe just curiousity.

Adopting as as adult adoptee seems to be even more fascinating.

So here’s your chance.  Ask away. 

Anything is game…our experience, my experience, interracial families, travel, expenses, where to start, etc.

 The new commenting system I’m using will allow me (as well as others) to respond.  It should be a fun conversation.

Ready.

 

Set.

 

Ask.

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Categories: Adoption Updates
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About The Author

Melissa

Comments

  • Abby
    Hello, I saw you posted the link on CM, so I thought I'd stop by and ask a question or two (or three!) I've always wanted to adopt, and I think a big part of that has to do with the fact that my father was adopted. Only recently has my husband started to entertain the idea, but we're not quite in a position to adopt just yet. Anyway, here are a few questions...

    Isn't adoption expensive? I worry I won't ever have the funds to adopt.

    Isn't it a long process that often ends in disappointment? (By that, I mean, adoptions never materializing. We've all heard the horror stories).

    My biggest concern with adopting in the future has to do with the children I've got already. I feel like I'd only be comfortable adopting an infant, for fear of bringing a child home who has been traumatized by parents/caregivers, and therefore would either need more attention than I could give (without being pulled in other directions by other children) or perhaps have issues that might somehow affect my children negatively. I hope I am explaining my concern correctly. This is what scares me about taking in foster children or something of that nature. Did you wrestle with similar feelings about adopting? (Perhaps it is just me...)

    Thanks in advance for taking the time to answer my questions.
  • Adoption can be very expensive. It depends on which type (domestic, private, public, or international) you want to do. If you adopt out of the foster care system (there are over 130,000 eligible children already available for adoption) it's almost free. Private and international adoptions range from $10,000 to $40,000.
    Before you say you will never, you should know that there are many ways to fundraise along with other resources (grants, interest free loans, and MIRACLES). I truly believe that God has a HUGE heart for adoption. We entered our adoption process with no money saved and lots of prayers and God provided.

    Unfortunately the horror stories are all that ever make the news. The truth is that they only represent a small fraction of cases. If you go through a qualified agency, your chances plummet even more.

    The process can be long but it can be short. It just depends (you'll here this a lot if you do more research). Ours was 365 days from start to pick up. (We still have to finalize). I have a lot more to say on this but little space. Feel free to contact me here or on CM if you want all the gory details :)

    We definitely put a lot of prayer and thought and discussion into our decision since we already had two biological children. We decided not to foster this time around for their sake (but I have great friends who foster with young kids and they love it). We didn't want the child to disrupt our birthorder (in our case that meant adopting a child younger than 3). Most importantly, we included our children in our decision and process. We explained to them how important we thought adoption was and they were totally on board. We talked a lot about the process as we went throught it and then took them with us to pick up Ty in April. Although Ty has needed some extra attention, they LOVE him so much that it hasn't mattered. We've also tried to be extra sensitive to giving them each specialized, individual attention so they don't feel completely overlooked. Also, remember that you could end up with a biological special needs child who would require more attention than one you adopt. We just do what we need to do and try to remain as obedient to God's calling as possible.

    Hope that all makes sense. Like I said, I'd love to chat more if you want. Just let me know :)
    Happy thinking...
  • Beth
    hi,
    I found your site through the BlogFrog at MyCharmingKids. We are also in the process of adoption from South Korea, we are working on our homestudy.
    Just wanted to say hello.
    Beth
  • Amanda
    Thanks for doing a Q&A. I just found your blog and am very excited to read more. My husband and I are hoping/planning to adopt. I figure I'm about halfway into the research phase. My biggest problem is finding information specific for my state (Virginia) that doesn't read like a law book. Also we would be the only people I know to adopt. Do you think we should seek out other adopting families?
    I'm going to read more of your blog now.
    Thanks again,
    Amanda
  • Amanda,
    The best research we did was to have meetings with a variety of agencies. You can contact your local social services to department to find out about adopting through the foster care system and do a search for private agencies in your area. Most have informational meetings that don't commit you but are great ways to gather info.
    I would definitely try to connect to other adoptive families in your community. Your agency (once you decide) should be able to point you in the right direction. You can also find online forums at http://discussion.bethany.org and http://www.holtintl.com/forums. Feel free to contact me as you go through your journey. Promoting and supporting adoption is important to me.
  • Name
    My daughter is adopted and it is an option adoption (she is 18 months). It is a domestic adoption and we talk about it frequently, but what is the best way to just make this part of her story rather than something she finds out later. Is it better to make her think she is special for this? do you reccommend any books we could start reading to her?
    thanks!
  • I've been bad about the book thing. I don't think we have one book about growing up adopted for kids.
    Growing up, on our "Airplane Day" (aka. Gotcha Day, Family Day), we would sit down and my parents would tell us our story and show pictures of our arrival. I like that they were open to talking about adoption but it wasn't overemphasized. We were basically just like our friends but with 2 birthdays ;)
    I think if you're already talking about it, you're off to a great start. I would recommend creating a story book about your daughter's journey so far on Shutterfly or Lulu. That would be a great thing to read. I also create custom ones at www.allaboutubooks.com.
  • Also forgot to mention that we had two biological children before we adopted. And no, infertility was not part of the equation.
  • Rose
    Were you born in another country? My daughter was born in Romania 18 years ago. What would/will you do when adopting to give your child a sense of history and heritage? Do you look like your adoptive parents? If not how did you feel about that? Thanks for taking questions.
  • I was born in Korea and adopted at 3 months by Caucasian parents so I don't look like my adoptive parents. I've never been bothered by it because it's all I've ever known. I think some issues seem like a lot more of a big deal to non-adoptees because they see our situation as so different than theirs. In our family, because we were all adopted, no one every looked like Mom and Dad. I thought it was normal for a long time.

    Because my parents did a good job of exposing us (I'm the oldest of 3, all adopted from Korea, non biologically related) to the Korean culture and encouraged us to explore it on our own, I feel relatively more prepared to help Ty appreciate his culture. We use simple Korean phrases and words and cook lots of Korean food. We are fortunate to know a lot about his story so we'll share that as we feel appropriate. We already talk about his foster family with him through pictures and video.
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